Wife: What did I ask you to do? Me: Love you forever? W: M: Kill a man to defend you honor? W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER I was getting there.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 10, 2014
3-year-old: I wanted dinosaur chicken nuggets. Me: These nuggets are dinosaurs. They’re all round-a-saurus rex. 3: M: 3: M: 3: OK.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 10, 2014
Me: *bursts into the room* No, you can’t have sex with me Wife: *looks up from book* Wasn’t planning on it So much for reverse psychology
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 10, 2014
3-year-old: I’m just a little kid. Me: That’s no excuse. In this house, we don’t make a face after shooting tequila.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2014
People with Roman numerals on your clocks: You realize we beat Julius Caesar in World War II, right? Get a clock written in American
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 10, 2014
LOL You always crack me up James!!