Wife: Do you want this piece of cheese? I dropped it Me: Are you seriously offering me food off the floor? W: M: W: M: W: M:*eats it*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014
Boss: Every time someone asked you a question today, you did the Macarena Me: That’s a baseless accusation B: Why? M: *does the Macarena*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014
Him: I can bench 200 pounds, bro. How about you? Me: How much does a gallon of milk weigh? Him: Me: I can lift half of that.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014
Justin Bieber is shopping for a mansion in Atlanta. First the snow storm, and now this. God must really hate that city.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014
The top 5 things I break: 1) the rules 2) promises 3) your heart 4) dance 5) wind
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014