Me: *puts 3-year-old’s hair in a ponytail* 3: Daddy, that’s fairy hair! I want to be a princess. I’m a terrible father.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2014
Good call on the commercials, fancy car brands. People who are too poor to go to the Super Bowl will definitely buy a luxury sedan on a whim
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 3, 2014
My wife turned on “Sex and the City,” but my 3-year-old threw a fit until she changed it to “Star Wars.” The force is strong with that one
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2014
I swerve to avoid manhole covers. I could never forgive myself if I accidentally ran over a Ninja Turtle.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2014
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford recently came to Justin Bieber’s defense. Welcome to rock bottom, Bieber.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2014