You’re right, teenagers: We don’t know what you’re going through. The rest of us skipped straight from 12 to 20. Best decision we ever made.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 7, 2014
Justin Bieber smoked pot on a flight even after pilots asked him to stop. In a perfect world, they would’ve kicked him off at 10,000 ft.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 7, 2014
Wife: I can’t even look at you Me: Because you’re mad or b/c I’m so handsome it hurts? W: M: I can’t turn off this beauty. It’s my burden
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 7, 2014
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine’s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 7, 2014
Wife: Would you die for me? Me: Obviously. Being married to you kills me a little every day. And she says I’m never romanic…
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 7, 2014