Wife: I said to dress our toddler in tights Me: I did W: Those are leggings I have no idea what I did wrong, so I apologized & took a nap
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2014
Lots of my wife’s coworkers are pregnant Wife: Must be something in the water Old guy: It’s something in the air: women’s legs Nailed it
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2014
1-year-old: *headbutts my wife’s nose* Wife: *cries* 1: *cries* Me: *turns up the TV*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2014
3-year-old: Can you open these animal crackers? Me: You can do it. Use your head. 3: *smashes box with forehead* *feasts on crumbs*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2014
Me:*finds a chocolate Santa in coat pocket* 3-year-old: Can I have it? Me: It’s like 3 months old 3: Please M: 3: M: 3: M: *eats it*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 10, 2014