My 3-year-old daughter asked, “If I eat a leprechaun, will my poop turn green?” That mystery will keep me awake tonight.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2014
Oh, you wore green for St. Patrick’s Day? Unless you poured Guinness in your Lucky Charms this morning, you’re just a poser.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2014
I wear a tie because apparently showing my shirt buttons is too sexy. I don’t have time to bang women all day. This is a place of business.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2014
I’d totally be a vegetarian if plants were made of meat.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2014
3-year-old daughter: My little sister kicked my face Me: She’s 2-feet tall. Why was your head that low? 3: I headbutted her. Karma works.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2014