Malaysia Airlines is going to be so embarrassed if it had all its planes this whole time and somebody just miscounted.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014
Some people actually look up to the Kardashians. That’s why Putin doesn’t give a fuck what America says about Crimea.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014
Not to brag, but I can tell the difference between “Under Pressure” and “Ice, Ice Baby” in the first 10 seconds. *waits for all the sex*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014
If you carpool with me, you have two options: 1) Listen to “Danger Zone” on repeat the entire time. 2) Walk.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014
3-year-old: Are zombies real? Me: No. 3: Bears? Me: Yes. 3: Zombie bears? Me: Now I lock my doors at night just in case.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2014
I think the Kardashians are the reason why most countries hate the US
I still maintain that zombie vampire rabbits are the most terrifying combo ever.
Thanks. I didn’t want to sleep tonight, anyway.
Think how much more work you’ll get done without sleeping …