“Grease” is so fake. I’ll go along with a 24-year-old John Travolta being in high school, but I refuse to believe he wanted to bang a woman.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2014
Me: Put on your coat. It’s cold out today. 3-year-old: But I told you to make the weather warm. I’m a terrible father.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2014
1-year-old: *points to my wife in our wedding photo* Princess! Me: *points to me* And who’s that? 1: Horsey! Close enough.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2014
3-year-old: Daddy, can I take a toy to daycare? Me: Fine, but only one. She chose a cheese grater. No one will mess with her today.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2014
Me: I solved it! It was Col. Mustard in the library with the revolver. Wife: This is Monopoly. Me: *flips the board*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 21, 2014
