Things women do when they play hard to get: 1) block your phone number 2) move 3) marry someone else Don’t give up on her, bro.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2014
Me: Where are your socks? 3-year-old: I think someone stole them. Me: What kind of burglar steals socks? 3: One with cold feet.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2014
Boss: You’re late. Me: Only in this time zone. Apparently it doesn’t matter that in China I’d be 12 hours early.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2014
Wife: Don’t you dare walk out that door. Me: *cartwheels out instead* I’m a problem solver.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2014
Female coworker: You always back down. You’re a chicken. Me: I’m not the one who lays an egg once a month. I bet HR will give me a high-5.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2014
