Me: Now do you believe me? Wife: The fridge isn’t haunted. Me: Then who made all that ice? Wife: *walks away* Me: WHO?!
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2014
Wife: How much do you love me? Me: 17 W: Seriously, you gave a number? 17 what? M: W: Out of 100? M: W: TELL ME! M: Now you’re at 8.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2014
It’s cute how the pizza box says it’s intended for two to four people like I have friends or self-control.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 7, 2014
Me: Go check and see if your little sister is still asleep. 3-year-old: HEY, ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP!? 1-year-old: *cries* 3: No, she’s not.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2014
Wife: Should I shave my legs? Me: Who are you? You sound like my wife but all I see is a wookie It turns out she punches like a wookie too
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2014
Your wife deserves a standing ovation or at least a trip to Disney World. Something…