- Noooooo! Anything but the pliers.
- I don’t care about your ribs. Suck in harder!
- “These jeans” don’t give you camel toe. Your fat ass does.
- Seriously, even porn stars don’t get this up-close and personal with vaginas.
- No! You don’t get to sit down.
- Keep holding your breath. It will keep air and food out.
- Did your feet get bigger too?
- HOLY SHIT! A cookie?! Really!?
- Sorry, but it’s your “just one bite” theory that got us into this problem in the first place.
- Your thong just died.
- I think we should breakup. It’s not right. It’s just not right.
- Maybe you should put your fat ass in the dryer. That always makes me shrink.
- Speaking of dryers, wash me already—that’s like the 6th time that baby threw up on me.
- I must warn the other jeans in the closet. They don’t deserve this.
- I don’t care if we’re in public, pull me out of your ass right now! RIGHT NOW!
- Great. I just busted a seam.
- You’re officially “that woman” who shouldn’t be wearing “those jeans.”
- Yes, underwear adds extra material but please, whatever you do… don’t go commando.
- Thank god for scissors.
- Cut my legs off. It’s the only way.
- Whew! Separated at last. Wait, why does it look like you’re still wearing me?
For more inane rants visit The Spew.
If only mankind could invent a dryer that actually loosens the jeans…
Sounds like your jeans are blue. Maybe they should loosen up.