Blog Archives

Me and Jim the Wonder Dog

January 19, 2015
By
Me and Jim the Wonder Dog

A trip back to my boyhood home in Missouri presents me with an opportunity to visit with Jim the Wonder Dog, the most famous native of my hometown with the possible exceptions of Dale Carnegie…

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The Grade School Fixer

January 18, 2015
By
The Grade School Fixer

Like many citizens of the over-regulated nation that America has become, I didn’t even realize I was a criminal until after I’d read the law. My third grade teacher gave everybody a little pamphlet entitled…

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Freedonia Goes Off Weasel Standard, Roiling Currency Markets

January 17, 2015
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Freedonia Goes Off Weasel Standard, Roiling Currency Markets

NGORZSKL, Freedonia. The Freedonian Bourski, the central bank of this land-locked European country, announced Friday that it will no longer back the flemux, the official currency, with weasels for the first time since the nation…

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Your Food Freshness Safety Advisor

January 16, 2015
By
Your Food Freshness Safety Advisor

Have a question about a multi-colored piece of cheese in the fridge?  Stomach rumbling from a heaping helping of leftover tuna noodle casserole?  Before you head for the bathroom, ask Your Food Freshness Safety Advisor…

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Thomas Freeb, Antacid Rock Bassist, Dead at 71

January 15, 2015
By
Thomas Freeb, Antacid Rock Bassist, Dead at 71

SEPULVEDA, California.  Thomas “Tom” Freeb, bass guitar player for My  Unicorn’s Knightmare, an antacid rock band of the 60′s, died yesterday of  complications from adenoid surgery.  He was 71. Tom and Tim Freeb with guitars in…

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Lawyers Without Borders Bring Aid, Strife to Third World

January 14, 2015
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Lawyers Without Borders Bring Aid, Strife to Third World

MALCZW, Freedonia. In this land-locked, vowel-starved country, many residents have never even seen a lawyer, much less retained one. “It is both a blessing and a curse,” says tribal chieftain Mzrz Glzorp. “We do not…

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For Top Banker, Lucite Doo-Hickeys Made it All Worthwhile

January 13, 2015
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For Top Banker, Lucite Doo-Hickeys Made it All Worthwhile

NEW YORK.  For Fred Hollingsworth, an investment banker whose four-and-a-half-decade career will come to an end tonight at a farewell dinner that will be attended by scores of colleagues, it was never about the money. …

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I Am the Cheap Man

January 12, 2015
By
I Am the Cheap Man

It happened Saturday night, as it has before.  My wife and I had taken our seats at a nice restaurant, and the waiter asked if we’d like to order drinks.  My wife asked for a glass…

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Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Writers

January 11, 2015
By
Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Writers

With apologies to Waylon Jennings, not that he needs them. They’re hard to love and even harder to hold. They’ll give you a poem instead of diamonds or gold, Hardcover Gatsby or even an old…

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The Sylvia Plath Foreclosure Sale

January 10, 2015
By
The Sylvia Plath Foreclosure Sale

I grew up surrounded by females. My dad owned a women’s clothing store. Both of my sisters were girls, and my mom was a woman. We had two female cats whose names–Big Kitty and Baby…

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