Author: Mike Morris
Biden Announces Guns-for-Ketchup Exchange, Nets 43,000 Firearms on First Day, BUT…….
Taking advantage of our nation’s ketchup shortage, President Joe Biden has bypassed Congress and tackled America’s epidemic of gun violence with an initiative he calls, “Season Your Fries with Life.” The program is straightforward: Turn […]
Under Pressure, Florida Representative Matt Gaetz Steps Down as Girl Scout Troop Leader
Immersed in an unsavory potpourri of allegations involving sexual impropriety, Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz resigned his position on Sunday as leader of Girl Scout Troop 171 in Pensacola. “I don’t want my current difficulties to […]
Supreme Court Session Erupts After NCAA Announces Plans to Invade Poland
Oral arguments concerning compensation limits for college athletes came to an abrupt halt at the Supreme Court on Wednesday, following the disclosure by NCAA lawyer Seth Waxman that the sports behemoth intends to invade Poland […]
Cuomo Accused of Sexual Harassment by Every Woman in New York State, as Well as by Five New York Mets
The dripping faucet of sexual charges against Governor Andrew Cuomo became a full-fledged, flushing bilge pump on Saturday, when State Attorney General Letitia James disclosed that she is investigating complaints filed by every adult female […]
Republican Senators Dominate National Institute of Mental Health’s March Madness Final Four
Thanks to his unhinged performance when interacting with Dr. Anthony Fauci in a Senate hearing on Thursday, Rand Paul has advanced to “Wingnut Weekend,” the annual tournament sponsored by NIMH in which the four most […]
National Weather Service Issues “Red Flag” Wildfire Warning for Ted Cruz’s Beard
In a Monday morning posting on its website, the National Weather Service announced that the facial hair of Texas Senator Ted Cruz represents a significant fire hazard. “Think of the Senator’s beard as a tinderbox […]
CDC’s Approval of Dr. Pepper Vaccine for Marginalized Communities Stirs Controversy
Centers for Disease Control Director Rochelle Walensky planted herself firmly in the national hot seat on Wednesday when she endorsed the delivery — to low-income communities nationwide — of 43 million doses of a COVID […]
Use of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to Resolve Afghan Conflict Hits Snag
In a secret meeting facilitated by U. S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken late Sunday night in Kabul, representatives of the Taliban and the Afghan government attempted to employ the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to […]
Protests Follow Alabama Governor’s Decision to Keep Mask Mandate in Place for the Unattractive
Alabama Governor Kay Ivey announced yesterday that only ugly residents of her state will be required to wear face masks after April 9th. “I believe this is a reasonable compromise,” said the Governor. “Encountering beauty […]