Hut One, Hut Two
Secretly, known only to my heart of hearts, in my dreamiest of dreams, ever since I was a young boy, I’ve harboured the desire to be a football player. You’re probably thinking I […]
Secretly, known only to my heart of hearts, in my dreamiest of dreams, ever since I was a young boy, I’ve harboured the desire to be a football player. You’re probably thinking I […]
I noticed something was wrong with my drinking water about two years ago. It tasted fine but something about its…mood…was off. At first I denied it, but I soon realized my water was depressed. It’s been a real […]
I got a hold of A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H and I cloths. And you know what? They don’t wipe very well. It was a genius move to go with the J […]
Have you ever thought about which toe you would be? I mean if you were a toe. I’d hate to be the baby toe, although I feel like one sometimes. What a miserable existence the […]
Poor Kim Kardashian. $10 million in jewelry stolen at gunpoint. When I travel, I try to keep the value of the jewelry I bring with me to about $1 million, give or take a few […]
Yesterday I asked the universe for a well-paying job that I would love to do. I was using the modern-day philosophy, which states that you ask the universe to deliver something to you (sending out […]
Donald Trump announced today that God’s Angels are moving their company, Lulu Afterlife Inc., from Heaven to Hell and that only a Trump God can stop this disaster. “It’s a complete disaster, people. Thousands of […]
It was my first ever argument with the smoke alarm, so naturally I lost. Still, it was important to, finally, hash things out with this schizophrenic device. My ears were popping at the bit to settle this once […]
Contrary to what you probably believe, there is nothing at all interesting about my life as an interest rate. It’s hard when I’m minding my own business at the money laundering mat and people ask […]
Newman and I eloped. What’s it like being married to my dog? It’s the exact opposite of being married to my wife. Newman: Paul, come here. What is this? Me: A toilet. Newman: And […]