I’m Still Gonna Say No to Those Socks
Dear Head of Sales at My Local Running Shoe Store, Yesterday I said no to the socks. I said yes to the shoes and even hot pink alternate laces, the custom orthotics molded while I […]
New Horror Film
FADE IN on the sun setting over a perfectly idyllic small town somewhere in the Northeast, the comforting rays of light dappling the changing colors, the last golden hues reflecting off the many church steeples […]
Shopping as a teen versus shopping as an adult
Teen: You buy your clothes at prestigious boutiques Adult: You buy your clothes at the same place you buy your milk Teen: You purchase accessories for each outfit Adult: You figure your wedding ring […]
I was a mommies boy and happy to be one
I’ve always been different to the other kids and when I say “different” I mean, not the same. I don’t know what it was but when I was a little mocker, my friends were interested […]
I’ve Got the Three Days From Now I’ll Be 69 Next Year I’ll Be 70 and Where Did My Life Go Blues
CUE: Piano, jazz trumpeter and torch singer, performing the sad song of all sad songs. This song makes other sad songs feel bad about themselves. Pretty good, the way I set the scene, huh? ME: […]
Unicorn Bites 2/18/14
Wife: Do you want this piece of cheese? I dropped it Me: Are you seriously offering me food off the floor? W: M: W: M: W: M:*eats it* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2014 […]
I’d Choose Ganesh
I’D CHOOSE GANESH To be on my sports teams, if I had a choice, I’d choose Ganesh, the multi-armed, elephant-headed son of Shiva, the Hindu God. If I could choose any one […]
A Convenient Answer
The best questions have already been asked
Some Final Bits Of Wisdom
If someone is trying to sell you something you don’t need, you can always count on them to hide the truth. For example, if you’re getting plastic surgery for a purely optional procedure, the song […]
Karmic Boomerang
Two weekends ago, my husband suggested we go to a nearby Friendly’s for breakfast. Our server was quite young—late high school or early college age. Anyway, when she brought the check at the end of […]