Unicorn Bites 11/24/13
Wife: "It’s colder than a witch’s tits." Me: "I wouldn’t know. You never let me touch them." And that’s when she ripped off my balls. — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 24, 2013 My […]
HO– USEWORK (Dedicated to Our Valiant Female Ancestors)
Eve didn’t know how good she had it there in the Garden of Eden. She and Adam didn’t live in a house, so she never had to clean. They ate with their hands, so there […]
There was just no proof, no defining clue to the identity of the unidentified offender.
It wasn’t me. It definitely wasn’t me. I have an alibi that’s as tight as Thirsty Dave’s wallet. Forensic Science is what’s needed to crack this case and I don’t even know what Forensic Science […]
Unicorn Bites 11/23/13
3-year-old: “Where’s your beard?” Me: “It’s gone?! Is it in your pocket?” 3: “Daddy…” Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: 3: *checks pockets* — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2013 Oh, you married a […]
The World’s Greatest Republican Party Game
Mad (at) Libs(™), a phrasal template word game where one player – a Republican – prompts another player – also a Republican – for a list of words to fill-in-the-blanks, before reading the – often […]
Tasty Athletes Mayor Rob Ford Might Eat
TASTY ATHLETES TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD MIGHT EAT Embattled Toronto crack smoking mayor Rob Ford said at a press conference November 14 that he had “more than enough to eat at home.” It’s obvious, you […]
Manson’s Bride?
A 25-year-old woman claims to be the fiancé of Charles Manson. She is spearheading a campaign to have the serial murderer released because she feels he was railroaded into jail. I guess there is now […]
My Happy Place
Back in the day, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, Sugartastic Daddy John, Thirsty Dave and I were single, non-attached entities. We would scour the streets, looking for women who might look on us with pity […]
Unicorn Bites 11/22/13
Me: "Am I pretty?" 3-year-old daughter: "Boys aren’t pretty. They’re handsome." Me: "Am I handsome?" 3-year-old: "No." — James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 22, 2013 Turning on a guy is like flipping a light […]
Friday Humor Devotional
Dear Lord, please thank my law office co-worker for catching an auto correction typo in my closing argument or I would have read the following statement, “Your Honor as my client’s counsel I would like […]