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Massive, Heaving, Pendulous Breasts?

November 15, 2011
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You and I have something in common. You and I know when it’s time to go to sleep. But here’s where we’re alone. Your MASSIVE, HEAVING, PENDULOUS BREASTS, do not. So, if your MASSIVE, HEAVING…

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Turducken: What the heck is it?

November 15, 2011
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Turducken: What the heck is it?

Turducken you say? What is it you say? It sounds like a disease you can get after hunting ducks in an unnamed pond. I first heard of the Turducken when John Madden was announcing for…

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Kids today… I hate ’em

November 15, 2011
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Yes, I hate children – and like most people I hate – it’s because I’m jealous. I hate them because everything is better and easier and more fun now than when I grew up. For…

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The press that contains interesting stuff

The press that contains interesting stuff

This morning hasn’t been the most chilled out morning I’ve ever had the misfortune of growling at. I’ve been trying to get the country to recognise a new bank holiday but apparently ‘Dislike Bon Jovi…

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The Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth?

November 15, 2011
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“Tell me the truth” is one of the most common requests on the planet because we all think we want the truth. That is until we hear the truth and then our next question becomes, “Are you lying?” …

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Random Thought 50

November 15, 2011
By

In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.

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Expanding Bellies

November 15, 2011
By

A study’s found two or more sugary drinks a day can expand a woman’s belly. So can two or more vodka drinks and no condom

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Stream of Barely Consciousness

November 14, 2011
By

Being unemployed gives you a lot of time to think about what your next step in life is going to be. Once your mind pretty much draws a blank, you let it wander and that’s when…

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George and Max

November 14, 2011
By

George’s time on earth had come to an end, and he slowly materialized at the pearly gates. “So…I’ve finally come to see the Big Dog.” “Yes, welcome to heaven. You’ll see him soon.” George looked…

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Just One More! (Role Reversal)

November 14, 2011
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Just One More! (Role Reversal)

  Can I please have another glass of wine? Just one more, come on, please? You are the favorite child of mine! I promise I will no longer tease. Please, please, please, I am begging…

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Bruce Springsteen Would be Mad at this Joke

November 14, 2011
By

A kid was born on 11/11/11 at 11:11 in New Jersey, to army vets. Some may call that lucky. Until they realise he was born in New Jersey

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Honest Letter to my Younger Self

November 14, 2011
By

Yo, younger self, how’s it going? I guess I should really know the answer to that – but my memory is admittedly fuzzy in my forty-something-th year. I am not proud to admit that I…

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My Run-in With Ryan Howard

November 14, 2011
By

How would you react if you came face-to-face with a celebrity? I used to think that I would be cool, calm and collected, but alas, fate proved I was mistaken. Picture it: the dairy aisle…

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Random Thought 49

November 14, 2011
By
Random Thought 49

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Kardashian Kaos?

November 13, 2011
By

Kim and Khloe Kardashian are apparently not getting along. It’s SO bad, they even yell at each other when there AREN’T 15 cameras on them

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Random Thought 48

November 13, 2011
By

I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark’s teeth. Locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my…

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Welcome to the Pennsylvania Turnpike

November 13, 2011
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As we were driving home today, I noticed a new welcome sign as we crossed into the state which read, “Welcome to the Pennsylvania Turnpike, home of America’s first Super Highway”.  There should be an…

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Which Way To Mecca?

November 13, 2011
By

If I was a Muslim, I would move to the exact opposite point on the globe from Mecca. That way I could pray in any direction I wanted.

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Bad Debate Performance?

November 12, 2011
By

It seems like Rick Perry screwed up the debate the other night, but he’s actually cornering the much coveted alzheimers vote.

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Tis the Season

November 12, 2011
By
Tis the Season

I love it when I see ads that have multiple meanings beyond what the advertiser’s were intentionally depicting.  It’s a bonus when they are clever enough to employ a second image in how it’s presented.…

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Uncle Clyde, the Redneck Gentleman Farmer Knows How to Please His Customers

November 12, 2011
By

    I ran into Uncle Clyde the other day.  Uncle Clyde’s one of those people you’re related to but you’re never quite sure how.  We have a lot of those type relatives in the…

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How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

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The Astounding Misadventures of Rory Collins
By Brian Kiley and HumorOutcasts Press

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Rats, Mice, And Other Things You Can't Take to The Bank: An Inspirational Collection of Essays from Humorous to Simply Human
By Leslie Handler. and HumorOutcasts Press

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