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Decrocked

April 26, 2011
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Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been one month since my last confession. Yes, this is the season for uncovered transgressions. Though this one was not revealed by my wife or a…

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God is Not Fair

April 26, 2011
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On the scale of “shit that is good”, I think everyone would agree that fairness and equality are right up there at the top behind french fries. Any imagined/designed/created construct must always take fairness into…

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Biblemania: The Story of Job

April 26, 2011
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So I was watching some religious programming on The Smithsonian Channel, and as I mentioned earlier, God was so surprised that Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, and just so steamed at…

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The Savior

April 26, 2011
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“Master, we have followed you for years, when will we experience this Kingdom of which you speak?” “Yeah, are we going to get castles?” “And servants! I want some servants…” “My children, we are building…

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Handicapping the Republican Presidential Field for 2012

April 26, 2011
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The year 2012 is gradually getting closer, and it’s never too early to start analyzing the Presidential candidates for the next general election. I’ve conducted much research into the most likely Republican field and here…

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Tips on Do-it-Yourself Funerals

April 26, 2011
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Somehow, I got on a funeral list. I am not talking about a specific funeral, but trends that go on in the funeral industry. My first thought as to why I get the funeral updates…

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Ten Tips for Making a Ten-Item List

April 26, 2011
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Ten Tips for Making a Ten-Item List

We all like lists and we particularly enjoy lists that contain ten items. This undoubtedly comes from the fact that we humans have ten fingers, thus allowing us to easily keep track of ten items.…

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Women and the Art of Parallel Parking

April 25, 2011
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Hello, I’m David Attenborough. Well, not really it’s me Deb but I thought this article would be better read in the narrative voice of Mr. Attenborough. Welcome to my show, “Exploring the Unexplored and Nonsensical.”…

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Getting Too Attached

April 25, 2011
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I got a notice in the mail that it is almost time to hand in my leased Ford Escape.  I am so upset by this; I love my car. I was sort of hoping that…

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YummySlim Diet Candy and Powerbra Present the Miss Supermom USA Pageant

April 25, 2011
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Mario: Welcome back! We’re midway through the talent competition, and things are really heating up! Before the break, Miss Oregon Mom, Julie Banks, left us all speechless and earned perfect 10’s for her stunning talent:…

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Man Flu

April 25, 2011
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Man Flu

Originally posted Tuesday, December 29, 2009, on My Heart Blogs To You. I learned a new term yesterday from my British friend, Christine – Man Flu. Man Flu is an interesting malady that I’m sure,…

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Sperm Selection

April 25, 2011
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Posted Originally on WordPress: August 18, 2010 The process of conception resulting in pregnancy has always fascinated me. I imagine sperm rushing toward the egg in a frantic race to be the first one accepted.…

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Talking NASCAR With Anna Kournikova

April 24, 2011
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There is an unwritten rule in the social contract that we Americans live by that states: If you say hello to someone the first time you see that individual on a particular day, you do…

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A Parent’s Guide to Body Art

April 24, 2011
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Last week, my daughter and I were chit chatting in the hot tub when she brought up the topic of tattoos.  At first, I thought I didn’t hear her correctly since the water was bubbling…

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The Fortune Cookie

April 24, 2011
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The Fortune Cookie

When my daughter was home for her last school break, she had a yen for steamed dumplings, so off we went to her favorite Chinese Restaurant.  After a nice meal, the waiter brought us our…

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Tips For the Budding Humorist

April 23, 2011
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Tell me: Are bugs falling from your ceiling Or squirrels being chased around your house? Could you write a funny rant with feeling Or fantasize about a trailer house? Then you may be sitting on…

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Chonicles of a Second Generation Psychic – Part 2

April 23, 2011
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In my first article Chronicles of a Second Generation Psychic, one of our  HumorOutcasts writer, L.B. Woodgate asked a very good question, “Can you communicate with the dead and if so how does that feel?”…

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The Hot Tub Oasis

April 23, 2011
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If I look back over the years, I will say, without a doubt, that the best home improvement we ever made was my hot tub. Did you notice I used the word “my”? It’s not…

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Jesus, the zombie?

April 23, 2011
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Jesus, the zombie?

My wife’s a school nurse at an elementary school and some of the real life stories she brings home are straight out of the comic books.  It may deal with a teacher or a parent…

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More Proof that My House is Falling Apart: Bugs in the Toilet

April 23, 2011
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More Proof that My House is Falling Apart:  Bugs in the Toilet

My “friends” are having some problems with their house. They already spent $8,000 fixing the leaky foundation, and they already tore down the rotten covered porch in the back and added some bushes in front.…

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Day of the Squirrel

April 22, 2011
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Day of the Squirrel

I returned home from the grocery store and was surprised that my 80-pound German Shepherd, Miss Muffie, did not greet me at the door in her usual, frantic fashion. I called out to her.  But…

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