Unicorn Bites 9/20/14

I don’t care what the vet says. If your dog weighs less than 10 pounds, it’s a cat. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2014 4-year-old daughter: Why don’t you make milk for the baby? […]

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I hit her with my best chat-up lines about shepherds, Lego and even poetry about the thoughts of a professional golfer in the run up to the Ryder Cup but she didn’t even bat either of her beautiful eyelids.

Persuading Jill Y to go out on a date with me wasn’t easy. I hit her with my best chat-up lines about shepherds, Lego and even poetry about the thoughts of a professional golfer in […]

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If you can think of a fish pun, please let minnow.

I don’t know why I don’t like penguins but I know, I don’t like them. Our fish died and I didn’t know how to tell my girlfriend. It’s times like these, you learn to get […]

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Are you really sure, Netflix?

That Religious flick on Netflix looks interesting:

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Unicorn Bites 9/15/14

My 4-year-old and 2-year-old just clinked their plastic cereal bowls together and said, “Cheers.” My kids are classy as fuck. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 15, 2014 Me: Clean your room. 4-year-old: Me: What’s wrong […]

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