Unicorn Bites 3/27/14
Me: Do you think Luke Skywalker is hot? Wife: No, he’s lukewarm. M: W: M: W: M: W: If you tweet that I said that, I’ll kill you. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 27, 2014 […]
Tag: funny
New Missions?
Are these soldiers: a) Fleeing to their barracks because George W. Bush has just started his “Mission Accomplished” speech? b) Victors in a game of Capture The Flag? Or c) Doing a foot race to […]
A Nun, a kitten and a penguin are out to get me.
So this is not going to be easy to explain but I’ll give it a shot. The day started like any other day. We came home and found Puddles in the rocking chair, knitting a […]
Unicorn Bites 3/26/14
Fair warning: If you invite me to your kid’s birthday party, I will buy him a drum set and a puppy. Leave me out of this. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2014 Wife: Who […]
Let’s all look at this
This might be hard to understand but not all kids are imaginary. Some kids are real and some parents sometimes wish they weren’t. For the sake of anonymity, we’re going to call this little guy […]
Unicorn Bites 3/25/14
Ladies, only move in with guys who own cats. They’ve already been trained to serve small, ungrateful creatures who think they own the place — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 25, 2014 Justin Bieber is awfully […]
Unicorn Bites 3/24/14
Wife: Are you OK to drive? Me: I passed a breathalyzer. Wife: That’s your iPhone, and you licked it. Me: Are you a cop? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 24, 2014 3-year-old: What happened to […]
Celebrities Are Just Like Us
I reached for an US magazine on the table in the customer lounge of my Ford Dealership. The lounge—they make it sound as if there is a bartender on duty offering Apple Martinis as a […]