3-year-old:*sees McDonalds* Can we eat there?
Me: We ate lunch 5 minutes ago.
3: But you can never be too full for French fries.
Damn it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 26, 2014
Me: Can you get your sister a tissue?
3-year-old: No, I’m busy.
Me:
3: *continues to diligently spin in circles*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 26, 2014
Him: You haven’t lived until you’ve tried this restaurant
Me: But I’ve never been there. AM I NOT ALIVE?
Him:
Me:*fades out of existence*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 26, 2014
Him: Want to hang out?
Me: I have plans.
Technically, staying home alone and doing nothing is a plan if I schedule it in advance.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 26, 2014
Of course your dick pic offended her. You forgot to light candles in the background. Women need ambiance, asshole.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 26, 2014
Some unforced snickers here. Lots of grins!