Unicorn Bites #552

Me: Anything can happen now. Nobody knows where the rabbit hole goes. 4-year-old: I bet it goes to a rabbit.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2014

4-year-old: Do Muppets go to heaven? Me: That’s a silly question. 4: Me: You know they go straight to hell.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2014

Him: Your car got repossessed. Me: *sighs* *expels car demons for the second time*

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2014

If I ever lose my arm in an industrial accident, the first thing I’ll do is lick my own elbow because my buddy bet me $3 it’s impossible.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2014

I won my neighborhood’s chili cook-off! Just kidding. Like six people got sick. The cops got involved.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2014

From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/13/14: pic.twitter.com/MdV3COPBJH

— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 30, 2014