Me: Want to come to work with me and see what I do all day?
4-year-old: No. I don’t want to be sad.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 12, 2014
Protip: Girls don’t want jewelry.
Girls want naps and doughnuts.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 12, 2014
Jesus: Your reward isn’t on earth.
Peter:
Jesus:
Peter:
Jesus:
Peter: So it’s on Mars?
Jesus: Finally, somebody gets it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 12, 2014
My 4-year-old calls Justin Bieber “Justin Beaver.”
I’m not sure if she has trouble with pronunciation or just knows he’s a giant pussy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 12, 2014
4-year-old: Will our Christmas presents come tonight?
Me: No, Santa isn’t coming for a few weeks.
4: Why is he so lazy?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 12, 2014
From http://t.co/VWBH85uwGZ 6/18/14: pic.twitter.com/JI0SLHAcc8
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) December 12, 2014