4-year-old: What’s a cubicle?
Me: It’s a place liberal arts majors go to be sad.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 27, 2014
Me: I’m a sensitive guy. I have so many feelings.
Wife: Name them.
Me: Um… Hungry. Tired. Comet. Donner. Blitzen.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 27, 2014
4-year-old: Why can’t I watch that show?
Me: It has adult stuff.
4: Like bikes?
Me:
4:
Me: Yeah. And there are no training wheels.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 27, 2014
Boss: You’re only pretending to be busy.
Me: Prove it.
Boss: You stapled the same 2 papers 16 times.
Those fuckers aren’t going anywhere.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 27, 2014
We’re way past the point when future me was supposed to come back in time and take me on adventures. What a dick.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 27, 2014