Have you ever wished you were your cat? Dreamed of spending your days curled up on the bed swatting at balls of yarn, only getting up to cough up a hair ball and snort an eighth of catnip?
How about your dog? He’s got it pretty damn good. Wouldn’t it be great to get somebody else to pick up your shit and be able to lick your own balls?
Yeah, life is sweet if you’re an animal. No responsibilities, lots of heavy petting, adoration, free room and board.
Sounds like an opportunity you’d like to get your paws on?
Well then, take heed, because in our vast world of anything-fucking-goes, there are options.
I present to you, the Furry Fandom. That’s right. Now there’s no need to satisfy yourself with mere Brony-dom, you can be the pony. Just think about it; luxurious mane, tail…be as pretty as you’ve always dreamed, my little pony. Run free. Experience it all, at the next Furry Convention.
Talk about a new leash on life.
Because yes Virginia, there really are conventions for that too. Grown men and women prancing around dressed in animal costumes pretending to be ferrets, or their mother’s toy poodle. That little shit always got more attention than you anyway. Well now it’s all okay, because you can be Sir Poofalot for an entire weekend, so go ahead and get your nails done, put bows in your hair and shine, Goddammit!
Now you really can have your kibble and eat it too.
Oh, but it’s deep. Furry Fandom delves into spirituality, technology, science, literature and of course role-play. Be the kitty. Get into the mindset of the kitty. Experience the world that is only open to you from the litter box and beyond. Puppeteering and erotic art? You betcha! No stone is left unturned or un-urinated on. They’ve marked every territory of perversity here. Go horse shit wild, people. I mean, you filthy animals, you.
Look, I guess there’s no reason to put these people down. At least not the ones who haven’t contracted rabies.
Hey, life can get kinda boring. Why not branch out, sow some wild oats, eat a few while you’re at it, and do it all while dressed head to toe in fur with a leash around your neck, and if you’re lucky, a rhinestone studded collar. Because life is short, my friend, and you only get nine of them.
The Furry Fandom is calling you…into the house for din-din.
Do you have what it takes to be an anthropomorphic bad ass?
Because this shit ain’t for pussies.
Photos by Skyfox1 / CC BY