My friend needed a companion to take her into the city for eye surgery. It necessitated an overnight stay at the Sheraton because she had to return early the next day for a post-surgical check.
This place had at least 25 people waiting when we arrived before 6:00 AM. These numbers kept multiplying like rabbits every five minutes. Half of us were not having surgery, didn’t need to be fasting, and there wasn’t even a waft of coffee in this hospital.
This was the Ford factory of eye surgery. Without coffee.
Yes. I said without coffee.
Since none of the patients could eat or drink, I didn’t want to start a lack-of-food-fight, so I waited 2 hours until my patient went back to the mysterious green room of surgery and politely asked,
“Um… is there some place I can get coffee?”
Which probably sounded like: “Um…s’ere smplc ickan goot COFFEE?” as I was stuffing a power bar in my mouth that I found in the bottom of my purse. I was done worrying about these other starving people.
“Coffee?” said the attendant. I nodded my head vigorously.
“Oh yeah, go back down through the maze and walk about 5 miles through the next two buildings to the cafeteria. She really, truly said “5 miles.” I don’t know if she wanted to save all the coffee for herself, but 5 miles would not daunt me.
As I turned the 13th corner and saw the Starbucks sign greeting all who entered the cafeteria, angels were singing, everyone around was smiling, a welcoming white light beckoned all to the green mermaid.
Three hours later, we were both exhausted as we checked into the Sheraton. We decadently ordered room service of Greek omelets and fruit salad which were only $7.95 each. We didn’t have high hopes for cheap room service. My power bar had long worn off and my surgical companion was starving by now. Surprisingly, our meals were pretty magnificent.
And then we slept like the dead.
Since room service was so cheap we sprung for a movie…which is where they make up for the cost of cheap room service…and watched Birdman. Yowsa! That film had us talking for hours, so much so that we fell back to sleep early.
My friend slept well, but me, not so much. I was worried that we would miss our appointment, even though we were 2 minutes away. The weather people were calling for possible snow, and I wanted to get her home safe and sound, with attendant groceries in case she would be snowed in for a few days.
I guess I was tired. I’m sure I was distracted. I am absolutely certain coffee deprivation was to blame.
I got my eye-patched friend situated in the car, threw my bags in, got out my parking pass, and promptly backed out so close to the cement column that the crushing sound of my side view mirror against my door reminded me of the trash compactors of old. I could only pull forward to stop the insanity. There dangled my mirror, limp, lifeless, devoid of plastic protection, crushed.
At the hospital, my friend asked for extra surgical tape to fashion a splint for my crushed mirror. Modern side view mirrors are attached to your car with a cable of girth so you can use your fancy button to push it around instead of your caveman hand. I devised a solution that angled the mirror into the driver’s side window so it wouldn’t bang against the door. But as soon as the window hit the cable on its way up, it automatically went all the way down to ‘protect’ the object flailing in the window. This is when you wish you had a 1968 Rambler and the damn mirror just ripped off. We drove home in 28 degree weather on the expressway with our hats and gloves on, teeth chattering, and the window open.
Every merge and left turn, I was blinded by the flash from the high tech side view mirror blinking inside my car. I didn’t realize how highly trained I was to use that mirror. I had no idea if a tractor trailer or a police motorcycle was next to me. It was scary, dangerous driving.
My friend sat next to me with her big, huge surgical sunglasses on, trying to help with directing, but I was not convinced she had good depth perception at that point. She looked at me with a bit of dread and said:
“Wow, this is the blind leading the blind.”
“You just have to Laugh….”
Years ago, I pulled the same stunt with my side view mirror against a cement column in a hospital parking lot. Who knew it was due to caffeine withdrawal?!
A hospital without coffee is not a healthy place. Hospital’s should be healthy places!
Oh Bill Y, you are always so astute. Coffee is medicine where I live!
What a true blue friend you are! Going without coffee would be big time withdrawal, with all the attendant, violent behaviors. Five miles to the coffee stand, was your friend having her eye surgery in Terminal C of Logan Airport?
Haha Suzette, right? This was borderline torture. How could they expect all those helpers to go without coffee????
It was at Penn/Presbyterian at a place called the Scheie Eye Institute. They are building a new wing and that’s where surgery is…and think about this…it’s EYE surgery so you can’t see a damn thing once you have to walk a million miles back to your car. And in my world, Coffee prevents crime, every day, always.
Was this Jefferson? It just sounds like the never-ending hallways. Anyway, no coffee is a crime. What are they thinking that if you slug someone, you get their medical business? So funny as always!