Holy hotflash Batman!

The inevitable has finally happened. It snuck up on me somehow. I’m guessing my ego had something to do with that. It’s January, a balmy 30 degrees outside, and suddenly I found myself sweating for no apparent reason. I was indoors and not doing much so I knew exertion wasn’t the reason. Our household thermostat has been known to drop to “cheap bastard” when no one’s paying attention, too. Was it finally time to admit I’m in THAT age bracket? “Nevah!!”, me ego yells. We are not aging, Your Majesty is still young!” Then I see someone who actually IS young. Well THAT sucks.

Recently,  I attended a painting outing with a couple of friends and someone took a group photo. While I can’t say I saw my mom, it made me wonder if my eyes and my brain were occupying the same body! Jesus H. Christ I need some serious Momscaping! I had forgotten that I had worn frumpy clothes just in case I got paint on myself. Frumpmaster General accomplished the mission. It would have been a lot less depressing to take my chances on a decent outfit. My brain is under the delusion that I’m at least ten years younger than my driver’s license says I am.

Am I just really a younger alien trapped in an old lady suit?! (See delusion, previous paragraph.)

I suppose I should be grateful this crap started in January as opposed to August but so far that’s about the only upside I’ve been able to find. These flashes also don’t seem to hit when I could actually use them, like when I’m outside waiting in line for something. I have also read that a side effects of this joyride through hormonal hell include mood swings and weight gain. I’ve already been exercising at fruitcake levels just to break even. If I’m going to end up eating too much perhaps I should consider pot, at least I will have had the fun of getting high.

I also thought I was quite moody enough. Did this really need to get worse?! I don’t know if my husband will notice the difference yet. Since we live with a tween daughter and a mom of THAT age, I have to feel a bit sorry for him. There could be a money making opportunity here. I could open up a sanctuaty! I could see the commercial now.

Hello friends! Has your other half and/or offspring suddenly become as rational as Daffy Duck? Is divorce too expensive and no one wants custody of you anyway? Then you need our Spousal Haven In Troubled Times! You could lease your own small space to escape (controlled substances not included). Until they get theirs together,  you’re going to need ours! Trust us, this could take a while. [Anyone up for going into business with me? We could clean up!]


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