Jesus, only child of Jehovah and his potential heir should God possess the ability to die, due to recent political events on earth has decided to stage his long awaited Second Coming on this November 6th. His reasoning- It is the day after voting day and he being an all seeing visionary knows that Trump will win the vote.
When asked for comment Jesus stated “Normally I do not involve myself in earthly politics but this year things have gone too far. The Americans now have a candidate who breaks every Commandment my Father In Heaven has made but also has the gaul to think he is the New Jesus to his constituents but also uses the Lord’s name in vain every chance he can and portrays himself as a righteous man to the masses. This is as great a falsehood as I have seen in over 2,000 years of hanging around waiting for things to improve…..they haven’t…….”
“This so-called ‘Christain Man’ has debased himself, has debased the American Presidency, his constituents, the Church itself and has of himself so very little of what is supposed to be the basis of Christian living that it is deplorable… and so is he!”
“I will no longer have the religion using my name to be run roughshod over by this wolf in sheep’s clothing that has the audacity to parade himself as a righteous man. Mr. Trump is far from that attainment. Far indeed!” stated Jesus.
“Those who call themselves Christains in my name soil the meaning of the name by following blindly this hoodwinker! He uses the name to get loyal followers who don’t realize they are aligning themselves to the Devil, not to me. He has all the trademarks of the Dark Side- Lust in that he sleeps with unchaste women. Anger in that he belittles all those who disagree and do not follow him and threatens them obtusely with violence. Greed in his never ending thirst for mammon and power. Attachment in that he cannot give up the Office of President that he feels gives himself the worth that he otherwise cannot find within himself. Vanity in that he thinks himself the Greatest of Presidents that has ever served the new land called the United States of America, but, again, he does not serve this country; he rapes it as with the same lust that he has used tp deflower women.
Now he comes again to that office that he so desires and wants and has acted as the Devil’s tool to gain again. But he will not! I have decided that the Rapture begins now and I shall gather all my True Followers to be with me in Heaven and leave those that follow the Great Orange Devil to their just desserts upon this Earth that they so desire to dominate. I doubt they will see much profit in it, as I shall now curse it into being the sort of Hell that not even Belezubub himself could dream of!”
“By all powers that lie within me and my Father I command the Rapture to begin!!!”
With a wave of his arm the winds about him began to blow in hurricane-like intensity . Rain splattered down so hard that people dared not look up. The Earth itself opened up and swallowed many in its fissures.
But the loyal and steadfast were pulled up into the Heavens and were spared the angst and the agony. They were the blessed few who withstood the temptations to the Devil both earthly and other worldly. They rose smiling up into the ethers to their reward and did not look back.
As the tornados whirled and the waves slashed and the earth trembled Jesus stood above it all and called out “Now Mr. Trump, you are receiving your true reward- a destroyed Nation to preside as President over. But I have not created it, YOU have with your wanton greed and lusts. YOU shall now rule over a new hell that used to be known as America. It shall now be a ghost of what it once was! This shall be your Making America Great Again! This is what you have made it to be. Now you shall share it in misery with those who were fool enough to believe in and follow you! It shall be a fitting realm for one such as you!
“Serve it well, President Trump! “ Jesus bowed to him.
You deserve it!”