Donald Trump went to his happy place.
He decided to tell Fox News where Kamala Harris went wrong with her campaign. “She didn’t even say Elekshun Infeterence, not even once. I’m always asked, they always say Sir, how come you always use the best words? If I’m talking about the dead bear JFK Jr. left in Central Park, I call it the dead bear cub. It’s true, I know what a young bear is called. I use all the best words. It’s because of my name. You are allowed to use the letters in your name. My name is “The former, current and future Precident of the United States of America, Elekshun Infeterence, Sir, orange is the new black” so I can use any of those letters when I say something. My good friend, Precident She of China, doesn’t have it so good. Everybody is walking away from me. It’s true. Everybody is walking away from me. They call me weird but I have all the smarties. I have all the smarties. For every person who walks away from me, I am going to beat them at their own game. I’m going to play them at their own game. For every person who walks away from me, I am going to walk towards them. That way I will be as close to them as I was before they walked away from me. I know. I told you I have all the smarties. I’m ahead in the polls. It’s true, I’m ahead in all the polls. I’m tipped to be the next James Bond. They will be shooting a lot of the new film in prisons so I’ll be there and they’ll be there so I might as well do something with the time. I made a new word today. I call it demograffix. It’s a brand new word. A brand new word. Nobody knows what it means because I made it up, just like when I said the elekshun was stolen. I’m ahead in all the polls. The childless cat ladies love me. They love me a lot. They definitely love me a lot more than they love JD Vance. That’s for sure. A lot of people ask me, they say, Sir, why did you choose JD Vance as your VP pick. I picked him because he makes me look sane and that isn’t easy. I once thought Hannibal Lecter wasn’t real. Everyone talks about my great achievements. Everyone remembers Roe v Wade but nobody talks about Trump v tic tacs. It’s true, nobody talks about Trump v tic tacs. I’m not sure if it actually happened or if I imagined it in my imagination. I spoke about what inflation is and I used props. I had a small box of tic tacs in in one hand and a bigger box of tic tacs in my other hand and that was inflation right there. I have the best hands. If I am elected precident, I will either make the smaller box bigger or the bigger box smaller. You can do that as precident and that would end inflation. You just have to think it and it becomes true. That’s how much I care and when you talk as much crap as I do, you need all the breath freshners you can get. Am I right? I’m great friends with the tic tac family and have them over for dinner all the time. One time, even Melania was there. Janet and Dave. That’s their names. Janet and Dave tic tacs. I know all the names. Some people like to talk about others but not me. I prefer to talk about myself. I have the greatest self. Let me know if anyone needs a gun. Marjorie Taylor Greene is giving them away for free. I’m the best at finance. There’s nobody better than me at finance. Does anyone sweat as much as I do? I sweat a lot. I have the best sweat. If you want to buy my sweat, go to donaldtrumpsweat.com and click buy now. For every hundred bucks you spend on my sweat, you get an email with a link in it. Click on the link to buy pictures of me dressed as a superheroe. For every hundred bucks you spend on pictures of me as a superheroe, you get an email with a link in it. Click on the link for the chance to buy limited edition Trump Diet-Coke. For every hundred bucks spent on limited edition Trump Diet-Coke, you get an email with a link in it. Look, if you just give me all your money, I will give you all the links. Some people will buy anything. I told them I will be a dictator on day 1 but only on day 1, if they let me be the precident again and they believed it. It’s true but I have a secret. I have the best secrets. What the fools don’ t know is that I have a book. I have the greatest books. I think I’m the only one who has this book. It’s a special book. The book tells you words for other words. It’s true. So instead of saying “pig”, you can say “swine” or “hog”. It’s true. It’s a special book that only I have. So when I lied and said I would be a dictator only on day 1, my special book tells me that I can also be a “despot” so that’s day 2 and a “tyrant” so that’s day 3 and a “totalitarian” so that’s day 4, eggcetera and eggcetera. Does anyone know how I can buy all the prisons? Asking for a friend.”
Is there a link for a signed Trump thesaurus?
For some reason, he draws a line under that.