Fears that Zohran Mamdani, the newly elected mayor of New York City, would impose a radical left agenda on the metropolis appear to have been confirmed by his first press conference on Wednesday. At the event, Mamdani announced that, beginning January 1st, all city employees would be required to wear Mao Zedong jackets and trousers both on and off the job.
“Discipline begins with the choice of one’s attire,” Mamdani asserted. “Disheveled clothing leads to disheveled thinking, and disheveled thinking leads to ineffective, corrupt governance. We will not tolerate that in my administration.”
When a reporter asked Mamdani if mayors in the United States actually possess the legal authority to issue such an order, he was immediately escorted from the premises by two security guards. The reporter has not been seen since, and his family has filed a missing person report with the police.
Informed of these developments, President Donald J. Trump responded with a boisterous “I told you this was going to happen!” Trump was hosting a White House reception for Andrew Cuomo, whom he had nominated for the newly created Cabinet post, Secretary of Groping. He described Cuomo as “terrific, just terrific! He’s going to be a great Secretary of Groping. The only guy I know with better hands than Andrew is me; I’ve got the best hands. And, unlike my former friend Rudy Giuliani, Andrew still has a few marbles left in his pouch.”