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18 Apr, 2021
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Author: Mike Morris

I'm a retired professor of psychology (University of New Haven). I publish the satirical blog UNIVERSITY LIFE and actually look like the default profile picture that accompanies my posts on HumorOutcasts.

J. Lo and A-Rod End Engagement; National Search Begins for Someone Who Gives a S**t

April 17, 2021 Mike Morris

So far, no one has been found, although Kim Kardashian did say “Oh!” when she heard the news.

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1 CommentFiction

Biden Announces Guns-for-Ketchup Exchange, Nets 43,000 Firearms on First Day, BUT…….

April 11, 2021 Mike Morris

Taking advantage of our nation’s ketchup shortage, President Joe Biden has bypassed Congress and tackled America’s epidemic of gun violence with an initiative he calls, “Season Your Fries with Life.” The program is straightforward:  Turn […]

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1 CommentFiction

Under Pressure, Florida Representative Matt Gaetz Steps Down as Girl Scout Troop Leader

April 5, 2021 Mike Morris

Immersed in an unsavory potpourri of allegations involving sexual impropriety, Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz resigned his position on Sunday as leader of Girl Scout Troop 171 in Pensacola.  “I don’t want my current difficulties to […]

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Fiction

Supreme Court Session Erupts After NCAA Announces Plans to Invade Poland

April 1, 2021 Mike Morris

Oral arguments concerning compensation limits for college athletes came to an abrupt halt at the Supreme Court on Wednesday, following the disclosure by NCAA lawyer Seth Waxman that the sports behemoth intends to invade Poland […]

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1 CommentFiction

Cuomo Accused of Sexual Harassment by Every Woman in New York State, as Well as by Five New York Mets

March 21, 2021 Mike Morris

The dripping faucet of sexual charges against Governor Andrew Cuomo became a full-fledged, flushing bilge pump on Saturday, when State Attorney General Letitia James disclosed that she is investigating complaints filed by every adult female […]

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Republican Senators Dominate National Institute of Mental Health’s March Madness Final Four

March 19, 2021 Mike Morris

Thanks to his unhinged performance when interacting with Dr. Anthony Fauci in a Senate hearing on Thursday, Rand Paul has advanced to “Wingnut Weekend,” the annual tournament sponsored by NIMH in which the four most […]

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National Weather Service Issues “Red Flag” Wildfire Warning for Ted Cruz’s Beard

March 16, 2021 Mike Morris

In a Monday morning posting on its website, the National Weather Service announced that the facial hair of Texas Senator Ted Cruz represents a significant fire hazard.  “Think of the Senator’s beard as a tinderbox […]

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Fiction

CDC’s Approval of Dr. Pepper Vaccine for Marginalized Communities Stirs Controversy

March 11, 2021 Mike Morris

Centers for Disease Control Director Rochelle Walensky planted herself firmly in the national hot seat on Wednesday when she endorsed the delivery — to low-income communities nationwide — of 43 million doses of a COVID […]

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2 CommentsFiction

Use of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to Resolve Afghan Conflict Hits Snag

March 9, 2021 Mike Morris

In a secret meeting facilitated by U. S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken late Sunday night in Kabul, representatives of the Taliban and the Afghan government attempted to employ the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors” to […]

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Protests Follow Alabama Governor’s Decision to Keep Mask Mandate in Place for the Unattractive

March 5, 2021 Mike Morris

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey announced yesterday that only ugly residents of her state will be required to wear face masks after April 9th.  “I believe this is a reasonable compromise,” said the Governor.  “Encountering beauty […]

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