A visibly intoxicated Pete Hegseth told Pentagon reporters on Monday that “there is no way we will let RuPaul and his radical rainbow coalition attack vessels carrying heterosexuals in the Straights of Hormuz. This war is not about Iran, it’s not about oil, and it’s not about nuclear weapons; it’s about our sons and daughters being free to conjugate in the only way that is ordained by the Holy Bible. God Bless America!”
When asked to comment on the Secretary of Defense’s remarks, FBI Director Kash Patel screamed, “HELL, YEAH!” and yanked out his right eyeball, when he then slam-dunked into a shot glass.