President Donald J. Trump’s Ouija Board has gone missing, shutting down peace negotiations between the United States and Iran.
According to a White House source, “the President never makes an important strategic or tactical decision without first consulting his Ouija Board for guidance. The Secret Service believes that the First Lady may have taken the board with her to Bangkok for the Girls-Night-Out weekend she celebrates every month with Laura Loomer, Kim Kardashian, and Lauren Sánchez Bezos, and then left it there by mistake. A Navy SEAL team is on the way. We should have it back soon.”