PETRINO THE MUSICAL
Here we go, another musical.
I know you’re saying “Oh, no. Let Bobby be. Not another musical.”
To that, I must say I’m sorry but when a Mickey-Rooney-look-alike-football coach crashes his Harley, ends up wearing an Aspen collar, hides the fact of his passenger mistress who he hired ahead of 159 other applicants, sends her “Favre” type text messages, lies to his superiors, and then shows up to football practice as if nothing happened, a musical is the least we can do.
Just so you know, Jessica Dorrell, the engaged volleyball playing mistress will likely be the star of our musical. And how could she not? She’s very tall, had a weight trainer and tennis playing fiancé and the voice to belt out whatever songs we might have for her. Plus, she looks great in volleyball shorts and how is that not perfect for a rap-musical? A rap-musical is appropriate for a coach with a bad rep.
The musical will revolve around this incident but since it’s necessary to include Bobby Petrino past history to appreciate the karma of the situation we’ll mention the Atlanta Hawks and Louisville Cardinals.
“I Left the Hawks, Nobody Squawked!”
It wasn’t workin’, It wasn’t workin’
So I skipped out late one night
(Chorus) It wasn’t workin’, It wasn’t workin’
I left town, even though it weren’t right
But I left a note, I left a note, I left a note
In each of my player’s lockers… “So long, suckers!”
“Jessica, Did ya Get the Sext I Sent ya?”
I sext my junk to Jessi, things were getting messy
But that didn’t keep us from hoppin’ on Ol’ Bessie,
Toolin’ ‘round the rural, trying to be bold
Until her fiancée catches us, forces us off the road
My Harley he makes us wreck, then he beats me up
About the head and neck… About the head and neck
(Chorus) About the head and neck
“I Wrecked My Hog!”
Toolin’ on my Harley… burummmm
With my volleyball babe holdin’ on my…. burummmm
With no helmet cause I’m… dummmmmb
You get the idea. Other songs we’re working on are:
“What You Need to Do to Work for Bobby!”
“Soooeeey, I’m Such a Pig!”
“They Won’t Fire Me. I’m 21 and 5.”