2-year-old: *walks into the room* I AM NOT A FISH. *walks out the room* I’m glad she cleared that up.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
4-year-old: I can speak another language. Me: What can you say? 4: Shit. Pardon my French.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
4-year-old: What will Santa bring me? Me: Nothing. He’s not real. Besides the 40 minutes of crying, I think I handled that pretty well.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
How to shop like a man: 1) Wear the same thing until your wife gets embarrassed. 2) Watch as new clothes magically show up in your closet.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
4-year-old: Were you listening to a Taylor Swift song? Me: No. 4: Me: Yes. 4: Now I have two moms.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/10/14: pic.twitter.com/qbNdKtv3T6
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) November 29, 2014