I myself have uttered or should I say slurred some off the wall things after a few shots of Jack Daniels, one being, “I like squash, I don’t like the taste . . . I just like ‘em!” Don’t ask! I couldn’t tell you why I said it if my life depended on it!
I took the liberty of asking some of my dearest friends if they remembered any of their loose-lipped libation statements? After reviewing them and two more [much needed] shots of Jack Daniels, here are the statements that made my top 10 list.
10. Hey buddy would you buy me a bra?
9. I’ve gotta pee on your head.
8. Comparing my penis to yours is like comparing cookies and ass!
7. Alcohol kills brain cells, but only the weak ones!
6. Anybody seen my prosthetic hand? It’s the one holding the bottle of Jose Cuervo.
5. I’m so drunk . . . I’m drunk, like that drunk over there!
4. I’ll bet you $50 bucks I can fart my way across Lake Erie.
3. I once drank a beer with live bees in it.
2. You know why beer goes through you so quickly? Because it doesn’t need to change color when it exits.
And the number one most ridiculous statement is . . .
1.. Take Me to Jupiter! I want to do the Hula-Hula Dance!
(This statement ended with the guy falling face down into a bowl of Polynesian fruit dip.)
Disclaimer: I was instructed or should I say threatened not to reveal the identity of said slightly inebriated individuals.