I want to open a bar for low-end liquor called The Bottom Shelf. Our slogan would be, “After the first few, you can’t taste it anyway.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2013
I wasn’t afraid to stay up late by myself until I noticed the ice maker in the freezer sounds exactly like someone breaking in to kill me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2013
I cried for hours when I found out Ewoks aren’t real and I can never have one as a pet. And that’s how my mom ruined my 18th birthday.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2013
Your argument opened my eyes. I didn’t think it was possible to be wrong about absolutely everything in life, but somehow you pulled it off.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2013
I didn’t lose my virginity. I know exactly where it went, and based on how disappointed she was I’m sure she’d be willing to give it back.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 31, 2013