I discovered an amazing device that replaces months of diet and exercise. It’s called a shirt. Wear it, and no one will know the difference.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2013
My wife was gone, so I fed my 1-year-old Doritos for breakfast. Parenting is way easier than it looks.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2013
I ran out of conditioner weeks ago and I’ve been showering without it ever since it, so yes I have what it takes to survive in the wild.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2013
If you want to get rid of me, hold up your phone like you’re going to take my picture. I’ll scamper away like a cockroach fleeing from light
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2013
In the 1800s, the world’s leading experts debated whether the touch of a menstruating woman would spoil a ham. Science used to be fun.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2013