Recently while flying back East I was settling in for a 4 hour evening flight. I was looking forward to some quiet reading time after doing an OJ-style sprint to make my connecting flight. I reached up to turn on the light, only to find that it didn’t work. So I put my newspaper into the pocket on the seat in front of me. It was badly ripped and sagged against my shins while trying to support the paper. Later I would find that one of the restrooms in back was out of service.
This sorry plane gave me an idea on how airlines could get a competitive advantage–they could offer fares based on the condition of your seat. Under the Welcome To The 99% Member Advantage Plan you’d have these options while making a reservation:
Are you OK with a non-functioning air nozzle?–that’s $5 off your ticket. Sweat equity!
Broken reading light? $7 off your ticket.
Fine with just one restroom for 150 people? $8 back in your pocket!
Your tray is broken and doesn’t come down? Congrats valued customer, you just saved $10!
I did get to read a few stories before the natural light faded. One was about some politician from Texas giving a speech at a summit for conservatives. The guy looked like one of those mega-church preachers you see on TV, so I knew he was solid and believable. He claimed that Muslim prayer rugs had been found in the bush down on the border. The insinuation was that ISIS fighters were now entering the country. There’s a simple and obvious explanation for this — they hop on the rugs in Syria and fly over here, just like Alladin would if he went nuts.
Maybe not having a reading light is a blessing. But a flying carpet would totally rock.
I’m still reeling over the existence of a summit for conservatives.
A flying carpet WOULD totally rock. I’ll probably be thinking about that that on my 6 hour flight to California this Friday.