Impoverished Band Refuses Multi-Million Dollar Commercial Deal to Avoid Looking Like Sellouts to Last Aging Fan

Despite earning very little money from their critically acclaimed 13 albums, outside of the brief mainstream success met with one hit single, alternative rock band Wulwerth has decided against licensing their hit song “It Ain’t Easy Being Cheesy” to Frito-Lay for a 45 second commercial spotlighting the company’s fictitious hero Chester Cheetah, mascot for Cheetos Brand puffed cornmeal snacks. The spot would have earned $5 million dollars in royalties, but the band turned down the offer, wanting to maintain their artistic integrity.

Not Sellouts

“We’ve been writing songs that really strike to the heart of the human experience for so long, it just wouldn’t be right. I’d hate to cheapen our catalog just to earn $5 million dollars. It’s a cartoon Cheetah, for God’s sake. I can’t conceive of how we could do that and still look our fans in the face again,” said band frontman Fred Pike.

Long devoted middle-aged fan Clay Carlson agreed with the decision. “It just wouldn’t be right to use a song like “It Ain’t Easy Being Cheesy” just to sell a product. I loved that song growing up. That’s a part of my history. I made out with my first girlfriend to that song. All of the partners at my firm would probably agree, if they ever heard of Wulwerth’s music. They don’t know real music though. But I just couldn’t in good conscience play any of their music in my convertible Bimmer anymore if they were to sell out like that. It would be appalling. They’re doing the right thing.”

Wulwerth members still live together in drummer Eric Winslow’s mother’s basement, occasionally play at some local clubs, and continue to write songs which speak to an entire generation. “Yeah, a lot of times there’s not much to eat. Usually ramen noodles. But a lot of times we can mix it up with some of mom’s leftovers. The neighbors sometimes bring stuff over, too. But at least we’ve got our dignity. And you can’t put a price on that, man.” Their most recent album, entitled “Jello Heart”, will be released in October and will be available only on vinyl.

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6 thoughts on “Impoverished Band Refuses Multi-Million Dollar Commercial Deal to Avoid Looking Like Sellouts to Last Aging Fan”

  1. They all live together in the basement of the drummer’s mother – that’s flippin’ hysterical!

    I think I saw them do a set at the local arts and crafts fair.

    Good one!

  2. Ramen noodles. Breakfast of champions. Maybe they could write a song about it…

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