My 3-year-old carefully buckled her baby doll into a play car seat. Then she pushed it down the stairs. Safety first.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2014
I met a mom who didn’t give her kids any sugar. I just fed mine gummy worms for breakfast. We’ll see who ends up in a nicer nursing home.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2014
3-year-old daughter: I’m good sometimes.
Me: What about the rest of the time?
3: I’m cute.
She can get away with anything.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2014
Me: Sex?
Wife: Not today. I don’t have a minute to spare.
She thinks I can last a whole minute.
*struts around like the god of sex*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2014
My 3-year-old can’t walk past a button without pushing it. Someday she’ll start a nuclear war. At least I won’t have to pay for college.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 11, 2014