Sorry I followed you to your driveway and set your car on fire, but you had your turn signal on for like an hour.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2014
My 2-year-old put on her shoes first and then got mad her pants wouldn’t fit over them. I don’t need to start a college fund after all.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2014
My 4-year-old went through all five stages of grief over her balloon that popped, so, yes, all future pets who die will be “going to a farm”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2014
4-year-old: My bike is broken. Me: Are you pushing the pedals the wrong way? 4: What are pedals? I think I found the problem.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 25, 2014
How many Skittles can I put in my mouth at once and still be considered an adult? I hope it’s 38.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2014