*buys kids hundreds of toys* *watches them play with a toilet brush and a step ladder*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2014
4-year-old: Our house is safe My wife: That’s right 4: Unless zombies attack. Then Dad says we’re screwed. Apparently I’m raising a narc.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2014
Me: *steps on Star Wars action figure* 4-year-old: You broke Luke! Me: Sorry. 4: Are you a Sith?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2014
4-year-old: *watches me play Xbox* Why did he fall down? Me: He’s napping. 4:*sees me get blown to pieces* You must’ve been really sleepy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2014
2-year-old: The baby won’t talk to me. Me: She’s only 4 months old. She can’t talk. 2: Yes she can! That’s one epic silent treatment.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 21, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/28/14: pic.twitter.com/21mnJJs5T5
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 13, 2014
Here’s a twofer: buy yourself an expensive watch and give the box to your kid. Win-win!