Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
The news, even that about the Tour De France, doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable will come out soon. Really all you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
‘Tour De France’ ready to roll
Watching the ‘Tour De France,’ it’s hard to tell which cyclists are on performance enhancing drugs and which ones are in the control group.
Belgium 4, USA 1
Trump: All we have to find are 4 more goals …
Ryanair passenger pulled partially out broken window mid-flight: reports
Dad joke alert: That’s gotta suck!
Platner out in Maine Senate race
Credible sexual assault allegations, drunken behavior and a covered up Nazi tattoo. Welp, if he uncovers the tattoo, he can now be the next Secretary of Defense.
Ways to become a calmer and more effective parent
Taking deep breaths and Xanax … And the deep breaths are optional.
Hegseth cracks down on beards in the military
While Tim Scott’s wife proves they’re still ok for members of Congress.
Happy 86th birthday, Ringo Starr
Well … from everyone, except Pete Best.
Omar Yaghi, who won last year’s Nobel Prize in chemistry, is leaving the US for Tsinghua University in China
Now, we’ll need Mexico to build that wall to keep our best people from escaping.
Wayne Manor from ‘Batman’ TV series could be yours for just $32MM
… But first ‘riddle me this.’
Anger and confusion as Trump kept July 4 MAGA crowd waiting in rain for more than an hour
So, like everything Trump touches they, too, found themselves underwater.
Lindsey Graham gone at 71
His last words: I just talked to Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes.
Taylor and Travis still married
Don’t be a hater, like any of us had a chance.
Presidential contenders gather in NH: 5 things to watch for
… Number one: Missing silverware.