4-year-old: Can I have a drink of your Pepsi? Me: This is Coke. 4: Same thing. Me: You’re adopted.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 7, 2014
Me: No more candy. You have to eat some fruit. 4-year-old: Starbursts count because they taste like fruit. I’m raising a lawyer.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2014
4-year-old: Where’s your shovel? Me: What? 4: Mommy said you’re digging yourself a hole.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 7, 2014
My brother: I’m now certified to fly 6 kinds of jets. Me: I won a T-shirt for eating buffalo wings. Him: His jealousy is so transparent.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 7, 2014
I once stabbed my brother with a fork over the last dinner roll, so, yes, I totally could’ve won the Hunger Games.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/14/14: pic.twitter.com/SzZLet6rDu
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) October 1, 2014