4-year-old: Can I have a horse? Me: Where would you put it? 4: The spare bedroom. I was going to say no, but that plan is solid.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2014
My 4-year-old daughter made a duck face in a photo. I grounded her for 27 years.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2014
[loud crashes] Me: What was that? 4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2014
Wife: Would you honestly fake your death to get out of visiting my parents? Me: Of course not. Wife: Good. Me: I’d actually kill myself.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2014
Indiana Jones: Cover your ears. This will be awful. [Nazis open the ark] [a Justin Bieber song plays] [everyone’s faces melt]
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 20, 2014