4-year-old: Why does the pope wear that big hat? Me: I don’t know. 4: Is Jesus under it?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2014
2-year-old: I have a superpower! Me: What is it? 2: *throws a block at my head* Apparently her superpower is being a dick.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2014
Me: I know all fifty states and their capitals. 4-year-old: I know how many potatoes fit in the toilet. I know a good plumber.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2014
It’s so unfair how my wife wants to settle arguments based on logic and reason and not based on who can shotgun a beer faster.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2014
Wife: My life without you is like a doughnut. Me: It has a hole in it? Wife: No. It’s perfect and makes me happy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2014
Originally posted on http://t.co/HTDVyrqMm1 2/19/14: pic.twitter.com/xlbo3amKEo
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) August 12, 2014