The big event in politics last week was Donald Trump’s heated speech in Iowa. Numerous commentators noted that it reminded them of the time a shaven-headed Britney Spears attacked an SUV with an umbrella. Overlooked amidst the chaos was an interview that Ben Carson did with George Stephanopoulos on Sunday on ABC. The transcript from this short but revealing interview is shown below.
Stephanopoulos: “The security situation in Iraq continues to deteriorate. As President, how would you address that?”
Carson: “Well, I’d roll into Kabul hard, with a big contingency of special ops forces. It’d be easy. One week tops.
Stephanopoulos: “Kabul is in Afghanistan. We’re talking about Iraq here.”
Carson: “Hey, you said there’d be no ‘gotcha questions’ in this interview!”
Stephanopoulos: “It’s simple geography, not…”
Carson: “Anyway, we’d roll in and lock people up in little cages. Every single person. And then we’d force them to convert to Christianity.”
Stephanopoulos: “But what about the Geneva Convention?”
Carson: “What does a gathering of watchmakers have to do with any of this? Trade stuff would come later.”
Stephanopoulos: “Oh..kay, let’s try talking about domestic issues.”
Carson: “Hey, I never hit my wife! That’s the one part of my book that’s actually true.”
Stephanopoulos: “As President, your power would be restrained by the other branches of government. What are your thoughts on America’s system of checks and balances.”
Carson: “I only use a credit card. No checks. And I pay it off each month. So unlike the federal debt, balances are a non-issue.”
Stephanopoulos: …….
Carson: “What?”
Stephanopoulos: “Fortunately, we have time for just one more question. Many people are thinking: ‘I wouldn’t hire someone who has never done surgery to operate on my brain. So, why would I pick someone who’s never held elective office to run my government’?”
Carson: “Jesus never held office. And he was a very popular and effective leader. No term limits needed there.”
Stephanopoulos: “That’s it. I quit.”
You should be paid big bucks to write for “The Daily Show.”
But I’m really glad I get to read you here.
Time to send you out into the field, Mr. Sullivan, to do the in-depth interviews this country deserves. Now, if we could just teach the bulk of our citizenry critical thinking…