Checking In On The American Dream | HumorOutcasts

Checking In On The American Dream

November 19, 2015


Earlier this week Presidential Candidate Marco Rubio delivered an important speech on the American Dream. Unfortunately, it got lost amidst all the coverage of the recent terrorist attacks. But for a nation that seems adrift, Rubio’s impassioned message is needed now more than ever. So, I have posted a transcript of the speech below:

New Hampshire, 11/17/15

“I am the child of immigrants. My parents came from Cuba in 1956, three years before the culmination of the Cuban Revolution. Some reporters claim that I lied when I wrote on my website’s biography that my parents fled from Castro. Well, I didn’t lie. My parents originally settled in the Castro district of San Francisco but had to flee when they found out how gay the place was.

Anyways, I’m here to tell you that the American Dream still works. Because I’ve lived it. I’ve spent most of my adult life in government. This has allowed me to get paid through taxes but also join those who denigrate people requiring government assistance as being “takers” and “moochers.” I’ve done very little in the Senate over the last five years. And heck, during this campaign I’ve barely been back in Washington, D.C. at all.

And for that I get paid 170 large. Only in America can you do that! You can’t do that in Europe because it’s not a land of opportunity.

Now, let’s say that I don’t win this election. Yes, a blow for America indeed. But I’ll still collect a sweet pension. And you can bet I’ll release a ghost-written, cheesy, Tony Robbins-style inspirational memoir that rakes in mucho dinero, mis amigos.

Here’s the reality, folks. The American dream is alive and well. Somewhere out there is a young boy, sitting on a rock and staring across the ocean towards America. He’s wearing tattered clothes. His nation is in shambles. The ruler is a bearded, cigar-chomping monster and there’s open sewage running in the streets. But that boy is holding a picture of the Statue of Liberty. He’s got a tear in his eye. And he’s telling himself “Some day I’ll get to America. And then I’ll get paid a bunch of money for not producing shit.”

That’s the dream of the future. Thank you.”

Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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One Response to Checking In On The American Dream

  1. Bill Spencer
    November 19, 2015 at 3:44 pm

    What does this strange word “producing” mean?

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