IBM Still Exists, Studies Farts

IBM Still Exists, Studies Farts

Be prepared for some Silliness.


IBM has been awarded a U.S. Department of Energy $ 4.5M grant to research a system for monitoring methane levels.

In other words, there still is an IBM!! And, they’re reduced to studying farts.

You can see Bill Gates reading this, shuffling along in his castle, letting them fly and saying “C’mon IBM, they’re following me. You still can’t catch up. Do I need to draw you a Window?”

I still can’t believe it. The once mighty IBM … monitoring methane.
This ain’t going to win them no Nobel Prize…
Doing something so IGNOBLE …
Unless it’s the Noble Gas Prize!!

What qualifies them, anyway?
Being in a town called Poo Keepsie?
That means they’ll set up monitors outside the Taco Bell.

The article goes on to say IBM will work with Princeton and Harvard to develop “an intelligent multi-modal methane measurement system.”
Yeah, the old system was so antiquated. I think we called it NOSES.
Do Gooders point to beneficial aspects “technology to prevent revenue loss by helping businesses mitigate greenhouse gas emissions.”
Hell yeah, harness this stuff. Make it work. Set it up in all the Poughkeepsie nursing homes and you’ll power that city for years.

I guess IBM will now change their name to I’m Big on Methane. Big Blue to Big Brown. I’m not sure if their stock prices will go “poof” or explode. It hard to measure a fartometer.

Anyway, they’re building a better planet, where you’ll be measured not by the color of your skin but by the passing of your gas. On high methane alert days, the IBM monitors will tell you which restaurants to avoid and where not to fire up your crack pipe.

IBM: “I never promised you a Rose garden.”
IBM: “Not to be PC about this.”

Okay, we get it, IBM. Apple and Hewlett and Dell have turned you into an old fart. Monitor away.

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